Santa Claus Conquers The Martians Review

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(More customer reviews)This special season is an ideal time to contemplate what may be the biggest holiday bomb in cinematic history, SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964).
It's a kiddie adventure story that's remembered (if at all) as the screen debut of Pia Zadora. Shot on a ten-cent budget in abandoned aircraft hanger on Long Island, Santa and the Martians is a perennial favorite on almost every Worst Movie list.
Is it as bad as its hype? Absolutely! Would I suggest you check it out to see for yourself if this one's as awful as they say? Hey, why not? It's good for a few laughs, some unintended of course.
The film's memorably terrible chorus number, "Hooray For Santy Claus" was written by accordionist Milton DeLugg. His polka "Hoop Dee Doo" was popular on TV game shows. DeLugg is most famous for producing Buddy Holly's "Rave On" and most infamous for the song in this movie. He wrote the original theme to THE NEWLYWED GAME and was musical director of Chuck Barris' legendary Gong Show (whenever a contestant won on this program, DeLugg's "Hoop Dee Doo" was played).
But back to the film in question. Here's my favorite bit of dialogue from SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS:
Hargo: What's soft and round and you put it on a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it's green?
Kimar: I don't know what?
Hargo: A Martian mellow.

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Madmen of Mandoras/The Devil's Hand (1956) Review

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(More customer reviews)"They Saved Hitler's Brain" is a cinematic travesty made over a decade or so by two different sets of people, starring two different sets of actors. What could possibly go wrong? The basis for the film is the very short 1963 feature "The Madmen of Mandoras", which was apparently shot years earlier and shelved for a while. In the late 1960s (1968 seems the most agreed upon date), some television brain trust wanted to broadcast "The Madmen of Mandoras", but it was too short to fit in a traditional movie time slot. They hired some film school students to shoot additional wraparound footage to boost the running time. The result is one of the most jarring viewing experiences in cinema history, and ranks up there with the very best of Ed Wood or Ray Dennis Steckler for enjoyable camp viewing.
The film opens with the newly shot footage of a smarmy male and a voluptuous female CID agent arguing and engaging in possibly the worst banter in film history. The acting and writing will both make you cringe; the good news is you frequently can't hear what's being said over the loud background music. It seems that the CID is investigating the death of a scientist who was working of the G-Gas project. The dead scientist knew of the antidote, and they discover that Dr. John Coleman, another brilliant scientist, has been kidnapped and taken to the South American country of Mandoras.
The G-Gas plot sort of devolves into a "Wild, Wild World of Batwoman" pursuit of evildoers, with the movie going on to feature crazy Nazis planning to take over the world, Hitler's head in a jar (who the cast refers to as "Mr. H") yelling orders in German, a brain dead kidnapping and murder subplot, lots of stock footage, a supremely annoying and pathetic romance subplot, ridiculously inept car chases, doublecrosses, gunplay, explosions, a fire, and Hitler's head melting. Everything is here but the kitchen sink, and that may be here too, just too grainy and out of focus to see.
For someone who adores nonsensical B-movies, "They Saved Hitler's Brain" is a film to marvel at, and I particularly recommend it as a double feature with "The Thing With Two Heads".

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Madmen of Mandoras (1963 74 mins.)Less than an hour after famed American neurobiologist John Coleman addresses a conference on the deadliest nerve gas ever developed he vanishes. Meanwhile on a small island called Mandoras in the Caribbean a group of fanatics from Nazi Germany have developed their own deadly nerve gas and intend to use it to take over the en of the world. The group carried out a secret experiment after WWII to give eternal life to the brain of Adolf Hitler. In the meantime the professor's daughter and his son-in-law in possession of a clue find their way to Mandoras. Can they find her father and stop these madmen before they take over the world? Now released under it's original film title this new edition has been mastered from the original negative and it has never looked so good!The Devil's Hand (1962 71 mins.)Rick Turner is haunted by strange dreams of a beautiful woman. When he and his fiancvisit a local doll shop he is surprised to encounter a doll that looks just like the woman that haunts him. He is also surprised to discover that not only does the owner of the shop have a doll that looks like his mystery woman but there is also a doll that looks just like his fianc . He soon finds himself involved with a satanic cult and the life of his fiancis slowly fading.System Requirements:Run Time:145 minsFormat: DVD MOVIE Genre:HORROR Rating:NR UPC:787364718894

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42nd Street Forever, Vol. 5: Alamo Drafthouse Cinema (2009) Review

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(More customer reviews)4.6 stars
The first review here makes me realize how good we have it with the Alamo (actually Alamos; there's a bunch in town now). We've been watching random collections of clips just like this before most every showing of any movie since the original Alamo on 4th was crankin' in the 90s, and I've just always taken it for granted and assumed that every town has a rep theatre that does stuff like this.
I guess not! For that we can say thanks to the Alamo founders, Tim and Carrie League, and all the film freaks who put these things together. They done good, and continue to do it.
This collection really shows off the endless amount of cinematic cheese that has surfaced from the primoridal b-movie auteur muck and then disappeared over the decades. And believe it, there's lots more stuff like this in the Alamo vaults! I've seen some reeeeally obscure stuff in the previews, and with luck there'll be another Alamo dvd (or three) in this series.
Sex! Murder!! Mayhem!!! Coming soon to a drive-in near you...

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Starlite Drive-In Theater: Hustler Squad/Wild Riders (1976) Review

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(More customer reviews)I don't know about the movie Wild Riders because I wasn't interested, but here is my review on Hustler Squad:
The cover REALLY FOOLED ME!!! I feel like a sucker! I thought this movie was about five female soldiers that shoot up millions of ememies like in the movie Commando, Rambo 2 or The Losers. BUT NOOOO!!!! The girls didn't do ANYTHING!!! They just shot a couple of bad guys and left the rest of the enemies for the male soldiers! Of course, the action scenes were so-so, the graphics were blurred, and the story was stupid.
Another thing, the movie has only 3 action scenes: one at the begining, the second in the middle, and the third one at the end. The first and the third one were the longest but they were set at midnight, so you won't see the action so clear.
The only positive thing, is that the dvd has a cool intro with commercials, cartoons and movie previews before the movie starts. The rest is garbage.
Adios.


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The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 10 (Godzilla vs. Megalon / Swamp Diamonds / Teen-Age Strangler / The Giant Spider Invasion) (1988) Review

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(More customer reviews)The latest MST3K 4-disc set contains a good variety of episodes from seasons 2, 5 and 8. Two episodes feature Joel Hodgson as host and two have Mike Nelson as host. Three episodes are from the Comedy Central years while one is from the first season on the Sci-Fi Channel. Here is a synopsis of each episode:
212- GODZILLA VS. MEGALON
This extremely silly Toho picture from 1973 is a blast whether you love or loathe Godzilla movies. Its original Japanese title is Gojira tai Megaro. It is simply goofy beyond belief! The people of Seatopia, who live under the ocean, decide that it's time they controlled the surface world as well, launching an all out assault on surface dwelling humans. Their main instrument of destruction is Megalon, a large monster with big spike-like arms and a star-shaped projection on his head. Godzilla comes to the rescue, assisted by a man-made robot named Jet Jaguar that can change its size to become gigantic. Together, Godzilla and Jet Jaguar teach Megalon and the Seatopians a lesson they'll not soon forget.
This is a GREAT episode and includes some of the BEST host segments ever, including the "Rex Dart, Eskimo Spy" sketch, the `Bots get new arms sketch, the `Bots argue over whose monster is the "coolest" sketch, and the HILARIOUS translation of the Jet Jaguar fight song during the final host segment. The scene of Godzilla dropkicking as if flying through the air during the opening titles in later seasons of the show comes from this episode. This is a must-see episode!
503- SWAMP DIAMONDS (plus short: WHAT TO DO ON A DATE)
This is a 1955 Roger Corman "classic" starring Beverly Garland and Mike "Touch" Connors before his fame with Mannix. Beverly Garland leads a gang of escaped female convicts to a cache of diamonds and they kidnap the innocent Mr. Connors and his girlfriend along the way. A policewoman goes undercover inside the gang hoping to recover the stolen diamonds. Beverly Garland turns in the usual good performance and looks great doing it in spite of the mediocre film quality.
Host segments in this episode focus on the dating short as Servo tries to get up the nerve to ask Gypsy for a date. There's also a hilarious bit based on the "This Side of Paradise" episode of the original Star Trek series.
514- TEEN-AGE STRANGLER (plus short: IS THIS LOVE?)
This is the second episode of MST3K to be hosted by Mike Nelson after the departure of show creator Joel Hodgson. The main feature is a small independent film made in 1968 West Virginia about a serial killer in a small town and it looks every bit the amateur film. Highlights in this episode include Mike Nelson transforming into Mikey from the movie and the hilarious "The Janitor Song." The short is also a winner with some of the oldest looking "young people" you're likely to see on film; this is really funny stuff!
810- THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION
This movie is a 1975 monster flick from Bill Rebane, the same man who brought you Monster A-Go Go! This film is ever so slightly more competently made than Monster A-Go Go and actually features a couple of well-known actors: Barbara Hale of Perry Mason fame and Alan Hale, Jr. who was The Skipper on Gilligan's Island and also the sheriff in the film The Crawling Hand which was featured in MST3K episode # 106. The movie is really goofy fun, with large spiders everywhere, sleazy and gross yokel-type characters less appealing than the spiders, and a small car dressed up as the biggest and cheesiest looking spider of them all. The scene where Barbara Hale's character does an odd tumble down a hill is worth seeing all by itself and there's plenty of other good material here as well for the MST3K writers. This is certainly one of the more fun episodes done after the show moved to the Sci-Fi Channel. The amusing host segments are based loosely on the classic SF film Invasion of the Body Snatchers rather than on the film featured in the episode.
This DVD set also contains the following extra features:
-MST3K Video Jukebox with 15 songs from the series
-Photo Gallery
-Outtakes consisting of about 15 minutes of the best moments from "Poopie 2"
This is a great set any MST3K fan, film buff or comedy aficionado would enjoy, with a wide variety of film genres and seasons of the show represented here. Join Us! Movie Sign!

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Mystery Science Theater 3000 - I Accuse My Parents (1945) Review

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(More customer reviews)This DVD from Rhino offers up one the funniest -- and most charming -- episodes of the legendary TV show "Mystery Science Theater 3000," where they take on a 1944 drama/gangster movie/message flick called, "I Accuse My Parents." There are few episodes of the show I recommended higher for all-around quality.
For those of you unfamiliar with "Mystery Science Theater 3000," (MST3K for short) it is a ninety-minute show featuring a silhouette of a man and two robots (Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot) in movie theater seats projected in front of a bad movie. The hosts provide hysterical, satiric, and culturally-savvy wisecracks to accompany the movie. The episodes also includes sketches and songs and adds up to some of the most hilarious comedy you will ever see.
"I Accuse My Parents" is episode #507, from the last days of Joel Hodgson's run as host. Although the movie itself is actually not that bad, this episode comes at point in the show's development when the writers and performers were at the peak of the powers, and the result is one of the most hilarious episodes, and one that really grows on you with its sense of warm parody. It's a good episode for newcomers as well, since the film is average enough so that its awfulness doesn't distract from the wisecracks. (I've noticed that when I show an episode of the show to a friend who has never seen it before, the worse the movie being parodied is, the more my friend focuses on the movie instead of the hosts. This, therefore, is a good "training" episode.)
The camaraderie between the cast is quite wonderful here, and the warm, jocular style of the Joel years is at its strongest. After Mike Nelson took over as host (a few episodes later), the comedy style became more satiric and antagonistic toward the film. I love both hosts, but there is something rather magical and pleasant about the comedy of Joel's stint as host, and this episode displays that style perfectly. It is one of quintessential Joel Hodgson episodes.
The movie is a competently shot `B' programmer from low-budget studio PRC. Our hero is Jimmy, a really stupid high school graduate who has to get a job at a shoe store despite his skills at essay writing (he won an essay content and mentions it endlessly). While lying to impress a girl, Jimmy idiotically ends up getting into debt and having to go to work as a courier for a gangster, while he also romances the gangster's girl Kitty (played by actress Mary Beth Hughes, who also appears in another MST3K episode, "Last of the Wild Horses.") Well, pretty soon our poor fool is in trouble with the law and the mob and on the run. And when it all explodes in his face, whom does he accuse? Yep, the title gives it away: His Parents! And why? Because they drink and argue. See, it's all their fault.
What makes this episode so dang funny is not that the film is particularly rotten looking or the acting is awful, but because the film's premise and main character are so stupid. The hosts lance into the characters at every point: Jimmy's incessant lying ("I liberated France while you were out dancing"), Jimmy's constant bragging about winning an essay constant ("Welcome to the Annual Essay Awards Ceremony!") his alcoholic parents who keep throwing money at him ("I'm up here with the D.T.s, honey! Would you get the yellow lizard out of the bathroom?"), Jimmy's rank stupidity ("Sir, I just don't get the holy spirit. Is it a bird?"), and the extremely obvious gangster organization ("Organized crime, please hold...organized crime, please hold...). This is a very `character'-driven episode, and it's hilarious. There's also some great sketches between movie watching. In one sketch, Joel and the Robots psychoanalyze Jimmy to show that more than just `drunk folks' are behind his problems. (Crow, or course, determines that Jimmy is just stupid.)
This DVD is a laugh riot, and a quintessential Joel episode. It feels like plunking down on the couch and watching a film with your best buddies; I think that's the main charm of the Joel years of the show. Newcomers and old fans alike will want this classic. (There are absolutely no extras on the DVD, however, but the episode is such a gem, it doesn't matter.)

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The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 3 (The Atomic Brain / The Sidehackers / The Unearthly / Shorts, Vol. 2) (1988) Review

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(More customer reviews)They could have given MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER VOLUME 3 the subheading of "Shorts", as there are more short films on offer here than in any previous box set, and most likely any future releases simply won't contain as many as there are here. There are nine short features here, six from the Shorts Vol. 2 disc, and three more scattered throughout the other three discs. I love the heckling that the MST3k crew give to those short packets of hilarity. While some films are able to transcend their time, the short films are intrinsically tied to the sillier aspects of decades past.
Here are some quick comments on each of the discs:
THE ATOMIC BRAIN: This is a film from that era of bad science fiction films where filmmakers put the word "atomic" in front of any dubious sounding scientific technobabble, hoping that this would somehow make the whole endeavor appear to be more scientific. In this film, a mad atomic scientist attempts to harness the power of the atom to atomically put an old woman's atomic brain into the atomic body of a young, sassy, atomic blonde. Features the short film WHAT ABOUT JUVENILE DELINQUENCY?, which only provokes me to wonder, "Well, what about it?"
THE UNEARTHLY: More scientists here. This time they're trying to insert a new gland into human bodies so that people will live forever. Or something. If the back of the DVD box hadn't told me that this was a horror flick, I really wouldn't have noticed. Maybe someone forgot that "horror" and "boring" are different things. Also features the shorts, POSTURE PALS (teaches kids to mock the posture of their peers), and APPRECIATING OUR PARENTS (teaches kids to obey). Strangely, every film in this episode seemed to be filmed in Blue and White, rather than Black and White.
THE SIDEHACKERS: Truly hilarious fare here. Grown-up idiots decide to risk life and limb by attaching shopping carts to the sides of their motorbikes and run them around in circles. There are also some subplots involving jealous lovers and mentally unstable cyclists. No sidehackers were harmed during the making of this movie, unfortunately.
SHORTS, Vol. 2. Features the following short films: CATCHING TROUBLE (a 50's sadistic version of the Crocodile Hunter inflicts pain on helpless animals), WHAT TO DO ON A DATE (no, it's not what you think, and when you see who will be doing the dating, you'll be glad it's not what you think), LAST CLEAR CHANCE (teens + cars + moody cops = death), A DAY AT THE FAIR (old men like to show off their corn at the fair), KEEPING CLEAN & NEAT (teaches kids to clean their bedrooms by employing clever camera tricks; any kids without a film camera will remain unenlightened), and THE DAYS OF OUR YEARS (tells us why it's always the worker's fault when someone ends up dying on the job).
Unfortunately, the original, uncut films aren't available as extras on this box set. To make up for this, those folks at Best Brains Inc. have included raw unedited footage and bloopers from the various host segments that appear in these episodes.

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Vincent Price: MGM Scream Legends Collection (The Abominable Dr. Phibes / Tales of Terror / Theater of Blood / Madhouse / Witchfinder General / Dr. Phibes Rises Again / Twice Told Tales) (1973) Review

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(More customer reviews)For those Price fans who already own his prior DVD film releases, note that only Witchfinder General is a new transfer to DVD. The other film transfers are from previously released editions. And as such, Twice Told Tales, Theater of Blood, and Madhouse are in letterbox format, not anamorphic. So if you already have these films, Dr. Phibes and Tales of Terror on DVD you only need to buy Witchfinder General separately, you'll get nothing else new here. Fox cleverly fails to disclose the format of its DVDs by calling everything "widescreen" whether or not the films were processed in letterbox or anamorphic formats. Its a huge difference for those of us with HDTVs. What an opportunity lost for remastering these horror classics.

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Disc 1 Side A: Abominable Dr. Phibes WSDisc 1 Side B: Dr. Phibes Rises Again WSDisc 2 Side A: Tales of Terror WS Disc 2 Side B: Twice Told Tales WS Disc 3 Side A: Theater of Blood WS Disc 3 Side B: Madhouse WSDisc 4: Witchfinder General (aka Conqueror Worm) WSDisc 5: Bonus Disc **"Vincent Price: Renaissance Man" - Documentary **"The Art of Fear" - Featurette **"Working with Vincent Price" - Featurette

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